The Wasteland Refuge

- Fail of Duty - Black Oops!: - Oh this isn't pretty. In a report made by the LA Times, recently unsealed documents in the ongoing Activison v. Zampella/West case have revealed that one Thomas Fenady, Activision's former senior director of information technology, was asked to "dig up dirt" on both West and Zampella prior to their dismissals.

Fenady is quoted as having testified that Activision's in-house attorney, George Rose, asked him to "dig up dirt" on the two by secretly accessing their work emails, voicemails and computer files. The objective of (and get this) "Project Icebreaker" was to build a case for firing West and Zampella in a way that Activision could release them without paying them their royalties. Fenady was told "Don't worry about the repercussions," which suggest that, yes you guessed it, the big man himself knew all about it. And yes, I'm talking about The Dark Lord himself, Bobby Kotick.

Fenady tried to use an outside company, InGuardians, to accomplish the deed, but after expressing concerns over the "legal hurdles" they would be facing, they declined. Undaunted, Fenady testified that he tried to approach the company's facilities department to try and stage a "fake fumigation" and a "mock fire drill" to get West and Zampella away from their computers long enough to copy files on their computers. However the plan fell through for unstated reasons.

Activision declined to comment on the documents, as did attorneys for the developers.

To view the Court Documents in their entirety feel free to visit

http://documents.lat...nady-testimony/ -

- I'm Not Getting Any Younger Damn It: The upcoming Tomb Raider reboot currently in development at Crystal Dynamics has been delayed from Q3 2012 to Q1 2013. According to a statement made by Crystal Dynamics' studio head Darrell Gallagher on Eidos' own Games Forum, "Our priority now is to make sure we fully deliver the very highest-quality game. In order to do this, we have decided to move the game's release date by a few months, from fall 2012 to the first quarter of 2013."

If it helps, Gallagher did state that there would be more information revealed at this year's upcoming E3 Expo. What that will be, however, has not been disclosed yet. -

- Rolling the DICE: Various LinkedIn profile updates are hinting that DICE may be hard at work at not only the third installment to the Bad Company franchise, but FINALLY a sequel to 2008's highly underrated Mirror's Edge.

After their on again off again commitment to making a sequel to the original Mirror's Edge, I wasn't really holding my breath that, despite comments made at 2011's E3, a sequel would ever get off the ground. However, with this news coming at me, I'm honestly pleasantly surprised to be wrong this time.

As opposed to simply being wrong and bitter ALL the time. -

- Fus Ro Dah B*ches!: Bethesda Softworks has confirmed that work on an Elder Scrolls MMO is well under way, and that players could be walking the realms of Tamriel as early as next year. The game is being developed by one Matt Firor, no stranger to how MMOs work considering that he's the founder of Mythic Entertainment and one of the designers behind Dark Age of Camelot.

The game will allegedly take place "a millennium" before the events of 2011's Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, and will be available on both PC and Mac. -

- Diablous Ex Machina: As you can tell by this entry's pic, it seems Diablo III's launch has been.....less than stellar. Various day one errors started hitting the servers, which forced Activision Blizzard to take Diablo III's servers offline at least twice on Tuesday to fix "several issues" that were impacting the game. Players received various mysterious error messages, including 'Error 3005', 'Error 3006', and 'Error 37' as time wore on, with some users complaining that the game wouldn't shut down at all without a complete restart of their computers.

With previous Diablo games, they have never required players to maintain a persistent internet connection to play except when they want to participate in multiplayer content. However, Diablo III does. What this means is that, until Activision/Blizzard fixes the SNAFU/FUBAR enchilada, you will be unable to play the game at all.

Blizzard's one and, currently only response to the situation has been thus:

"Due to high concurrency the login servers are currently at full capacity. This may cause delays in the login process, account pages and web services. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and thank you for your patience while this is being resolved"

Hang in there guys. Hang in there. -

- Gee Bore TV: As if the woes of this struggling "video game" network couldn't get any worse. First comes the news that long time network persona Adam Sessler has been quietly let go from G4TV for reasons still unknown.

Sessler has been the only remaining ZDTV personality to transition over from the merger with TechTV, and it's eventual transition to G4TV. Sessler, along with co-host Morgan Webb, were the faces of GTV's X-Play program that offered up news and reviews of current and upcoming video game titles. Shortly after this news, long time host of 'Attack of the Show' Kevin Pereria stated that he too will be leaving the network as of May 31st, with his final broadcast for the channel being their E3 coverage this year.

I stopped watching that channel a long time ago anyway. Mainly because after days of having nothing but eight hour Cops and Cheaters marathons (which....wtf does that have to do with video games anyway?) there really wasn't much content on there anyway. No wonder DirecTV dropped it from their packages.

Anyway, good luck guys. And if it helps, I'm pretty sure the execs over at G4 will be joining you in the unemployment line real soon. -

- CapCon Games: Capcom has said that it will be "revising" its DLC strategy to include less content on-disc at launch. Senior VP Christian Svensson writes in a post in the Capcom has stated that "We would like to assure you that we have been listening to your comments and as such have begun the process of re-evaluating how such additional game content is delivered in the future. This comes on the heels of Capcom's recent fiasco involving on-disc content that was later changed to DLC with their release of Street Fighter X Tekken.

In an effort to rebuild bridges with their fans, Svensson has stated that upcoming Dragon's Dogma will ship with on disc content previously slated for separate DLC. -

May Releases Worth Noting:

Minecraft - May 9 - XBLA
Diablo III - May 15 - Windows, Mac
Max Payne 3 - May 15 - PS3, Xbox 360
PixelJunk 4am - May 15 - PSN
Dragon's Lair - May 18 - XBLA
Dragon's Dogma - May 22 - PS3, Xbox 360
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Future Soldier - May 22 - PS3, Xbox 360
Doctor Who: The Eternity Clock - May 23 - PSN
Dirt: Showdown - May 29 - Windows, PS3, Xbox 360

Cry The Beloved Country
"Did I ever tell you what....the definition of.....insanity is?"

In the soft black void of unconsciousness, a single voice echoes through your head, tearing itself through your skull like an ice pick. You furrow your brow as reality slowly bleeds back into focus. Shades of horrible wild green, the soft brown-grey of cold wet stone. And finally a man seated in front of you, a long white scar running down his head.

"Insanity," he goes on to say in that soft, exotic sounding voice "is...doing the exact same thing....over and over again expecting things to change...."

His voice. In certain circumstances, it would almost be disarming, inviting, charming. But you are hardly in a situation that would be considered cordial. Hands bound by thick corded rope, you struggle with them as he continues to ramble on softly. As he speaks in that quiet, disarming tone, you begin to realize the depths of his insanity. And his evil.

Your eyes make contact. And that is all it takes.

"I don't LIKE the way....you are looking at me," he kicks away his chair, stirring up a fine misty dust on the edge of the island's tropical forest. He begins to rage at you, inches from your face, that long jagged scar reminding you of his potential madness.

"But that's O.K. man," he laughs gently in that soft, disarming voice once again. That's when you realize that you're not only bound by hand, but by foot as well. And that this rope ends at a large slab of granite rock precariously positioned by the edge of a cliff, the sea lapping against its jagged feet far below.

The man settles down next to you and, in a wave of of deja-vu, he asks you one last time.....

"Did I ever tell you what.....the definition of....insanity is?"

And without another word, he moves to the large rock, glares down at you, and kicks it over the edge.....



Far And Away
With hardly little fanfare trumpeting its approach last year during 2011's E3 Expo, fans were more than a little taken aback at the reveal of a new Far Cry game. "[The E3 demo] really did take a lot of people by surprise, which is absolutely what we were trying to do," says FC3 Lead Game Designer Jamie Keen. "So from that perspective it went really well for us. We were also really pleased to see people’s reactions to the game itself, and to hear from other fans that there’s some stuff that we need to address. The game is a work in progress, so there are still things to work out - but there’s other elements that people are really happy with. We just have to make sure that we nail the feeling that this is a Far Cry game, and that moving forward we stay on the path of how a Far Cry game should be."

From what's been revealed of the story, you play as Jason Brody, a man on vacation with his best friend and girlfriend who end up being taken hostage by island mercenaries. From what's also known, expect to have that "man out of his element" feel to the game as you slowly come to the realization that, to defeat the enemy, you must be like the enemy. You must be merciless. You must be cold blooded. You must be willing to kill.

"I think one of the things that we see in a lot of these jungle-based movies is this voyage of personal discovery," Keen says. "It’s a really common theme throughout a lot of war movies - films set in Vietnam and outside the Pacific - but this kind of super-oppressive environment really changes people. We wanted to get a feeling of that kind of development with the main character here, and through his progression of the story. Let the player experience things from the standpoint of the character and make their own moral judgement about how they’re interacting with things and how that makes them feel about the game."

One thing the devs want gamers to appreciate are antagonists who are not only easily recognizable, but appreciatively defined to make them something of iconic characters for FC3. "I think game designers have gotten into a bad habit of starting and ending with archetypes in their writing – it's a mistake," says Ubisoft Montreal Creative Director Jason VandenBerghe. "When we started Far Cry 3, we thought, 'F**k archetypes, we want to talk about realistic people.'

"So we sat down and brainstormed all these different characters; we didn't think about context, we just said we'll talk about how we'll use them later. We built them around two or three sentences that we really fell in love with, then we cast actors. And then, what we didn't do is say "here's your character, do your line like that". We told the actors "we cast you because we really liked your performance, we think you're really talented – now what would YOU do in this situation?" We just asked them to dump their darkness on the floor."



Rumble in the Jungle
Enemy behavior has always been a staple of Far Cry games. From their unpredictability to their creative use of environmental elements, the baddies have always been something more than cannon fodder. Yet they always lacked that certain something that could have made them even more. Something that VandenBerghe hopes will be corrected, or at least partially realized, in FC3.

"What we want in our A.I. is believable human combatants," he says, "we want to believe that they're people with guns who are trying to kill me. At the end of the E3 demo, when the player is taking off in the helicopter, there's a guy running in from around a corner, and if he does that right – and it's systemic so it doesn't always play out the [same] way – but the guy will have this "oh sh*t!" moment, he'll be completely startled. We have a lot of stuff where guys make mistakes.

"A.I. enemies that make human errors are much more interesting to play against. We've been investing heavily in that kind of thinking. And once we have those differences in behavior we can modify those for different types of people. And then, suddenly, instead of AI classes, instead of having archetypes, it's more like, well here are the guys who aren't trained very well, these guys are trained pretty well and these are the guys who are really deadly – and the player can see it, you can see it in the way they move."

With its tropical settings and its less than battle-ready protagonist at the ready, Keen took a moment to reflect on the decision to put a "civilian" into the position of killer, hero and solider. "I think we wanted someone who was maybe more recognizable to people," he says. "It was important that the main character here is something of a... I’m really hesitant to say 'everyman.' We want you to feel that there’s a resonance there. That there’s elements within the game that you might have experienced yourself - you can relate to Jason, and kind of imagine yourself in his position and experiencing all the stuff that goes on in front of him. It then becomes a really personal game - ‘how would I tackle this situation?’ Most of the time I think a lot of us would wind up dead pretty quickly."

Far Cry 3 is set a Fall 2012 release date.

Guilty Pleasures
I'll admit it right now; Lego games are my one real guilty pleasure. Sure they're simplistic in design, form and function. A tad bit childish in their appeal. And you really can't lose when you play one of the many titles that Traveler's Tales has churned out since they grabbed a hold of the license (and doesn't seem to be letting go).

But it's the goofy humor that both kid and adult can understand that make (most) of them worth at least a weekend rental. The first Lego Batman title actually made me giggle more than once when I first played it. And trust me, it takes a certain kind of humor for me to do that. Good humor. Which is something that some games could use more of.

So imagine my inner child's delight that TT decided to throw us all a sequel to 2008's Lego Batman in the form of, well, what could equivocate to a Lego Justice League. Lego Batman 2: DC Superheroes is set to introduce fans to an expanded look into Bruce Wayne/Batman's universe.

Thus far confirmed coming on board for the game will be the lego'ed versions of Superman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman just to name a few. Gameplay will of course rely on certain combinations of superheroes to complete certain obstacles, as well as reaching certain secret areas no doubt liberally scattered across the various levels.

"Whenever we come into a story world, or a story universe, we are incredibly greedy. We want to have everything," explains TT's Head of Production Jonathan Smith. "We know fans want everything as well, so we don't stick to one side of the story, comics or the animated series. We try and pull everything together and mix it up and then do a Lego take on it as well. So you'll see things in Lego Gotham City you haven't seen before, but just feel right in a Lego world."

Perhaps a first for the Lego franchise is the game's more "open world" feel. Especially in it's use of verticality. After all, where's the fun of playing as Superman when all you're able to accomplish is a sort of two foot hover over the ground? Thankfully, with Gotham's open world approach to gameplay, that won't be a problem. Having full, free open world flight with Superman, at least in the Gotham hub world, should satisfy even the most ardent Superman fan out there.



Those Wonderful Toys
Of course, even a Superman has limits. That's why it's important to have reliable partners who can adapt to certain situations and overcome the various obstacles scattered across the board. For example, even though Superman might be nigh invulnerable, he's still unable to simply waltz across an electrified area to reach a certain door switch that will allow the dynamic duo to continue on their adventures. Thankfully, with a little costume switcher-ooing (yeah I made that word up, work with me here), Batman can don an electricity manipulating suit and redirect the electrical current away to create a path to said switch. Expect a lot of suit changes that allow both Batman and his equally proficient sidekick Robin to overcome most of the game's many challenges.

Of course, there's always two sides to every story. As evident in the first Lego Batman game, players were able to experience both the heroic and dastardly side of the same chapter. Lego Batman 2 plans on continuing that trend. "We want to have you playing not just the heroes, but also the villains...the best villains. [The] story is based around, Joker - the nemesis of Batman, teaming up with Lex Luthor - the worst enemy for Superman, those two super villains together," Smith explains. "They're going to be the focus of the story, but then when everyone busts out of Arkham Asylum, they're going to be loose in the city and you're going to take those people down and then actually control them as well."

Which actually brings us to another first for the Lego series. Voice Acting. Finally hearing Lego Joker arguing with Lego Luthor over how best to thwart our stalwart heroes will undoubtedly be cool to listen to. Though how fans might react to having to listen to a Joker and Luthor not being v.o.'ed by the incredible Mark Hamill and Clancy Brown is still up in the air. But, if the game has even half the creative care and goofy humor the first game had in it, that won't be a problem.

Lego Batman 2 is set for a TBD late 2012 release.

These Cold, Gray Winter Days....
"If one kills a man, we call them an assassin. If one kills a million men, we call them a conqueror. But if one kills everyone, then they become a god." ~ Beilby Porteus

In the perfect quiet of wood and glade, a shadow among shadows moves. The snow lightly covered upon the tree tops, collected by the winter's breath, shift gently as the assassin moves from limb and branch. In silvery predawn night, to casual eyes, it would seem nothing is amiss. But to the red clad soldier standing sentry along the encampment, a predator awaits to consume its prey.

The campfire, once blazing in the night, now a soft and dying yellow. Small oily wisps of smoke rise up and entwine with the snow and ice. The sentry suspects, senses, notices nothing. He shuffles along a small trail crushed by repeated footprints. His only concern is to pull at his collar to keep the cold from sinking down into his body. The predator feels nothing. Not the cold, not the ice running down his back, nor the chilling swirl of winter as it curls and bites around his feet.

Because this predator is a cold blooded killer.

The red clad soldier slowly leans against the very tree that this assassin sits. Oblivious to the waiting death above him. Hand over hand, this assassin lowers himself to the branch just above the red clad soldier's head. Even then, this patient predator waits. Everything falls into place. And the perfect kill demands the perfect bit of patience.

The red clad soldier tucks his hands under his arms, bowing his head in this last attempt to keep away the cold finger of death. It is all the assassin needs. He pulls his legs over the tree branch until he is sitting in the opposite direction of the soldier beneath him. Rolling his body over, with his legs now the counterbalance, the assassin is mere inches from his prey. He pulls out a slim cord of leather and, with small intake of air, throws the cord around the unsuspecting man's head.

He pulls tight, lifting the soldier off his feet. The man tries to cry out, but the cord around his neck prevents him from making a sound. He paws feebly, his boots kick the air, never knowing that the more he struggles to escape, the quicker his death is assured.

And in the quiet that comes before the dawn breaks over the snow capped Appalachians, no one dares question the sentry that comes forth from the shadows. A little taller, a little broader in the shoulders than he used to be, holding his red tinged winter's coat tight to his breast.

And no one questions him as he moves through the British encampment straight into the commander's tent. Nor question him when he exits moments later and walks quietly away, into the shadows of the wild and snow glazed wood.

No one suspects.

Until it is far, far too late.......



Welcome to the Revolution
Timelessness. A perfect title to the lineage of the Assassins. Like father to son, Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad to Ezio Auditore da Firenze, and now to Connor Kenway, a young Mohawk/half-English warrior living during the turbulent period of the American Revolutionary War. But, like all tales involving assassins, nothing is written in that set black and white morality. To what side Connor falls is still a mystery. Does he uphold the ideals of democracy dawning, or to the oppressive regime of British Imperial rule? Or does he simply live for the moment, for himself, in his attempt to survive? That is something that Lead Scriptwriter Matt Turner will slowly reveal as the game progresses. What is apparent from the start, however, is the fact that Assassin's Creed III had already set its roots down long before Mr. Turner came on board.  

"When I came on the team," Turner explains, "the decision to set it then had already been made so I wasn’t in the discussion of the choice but I was privy to the reasons behind it. For us it’s about what’s happening in that period, you’ve got to think that it’s not just the Revolution: it’s before, during and after, with a slice of colonial life. The Revolution is a backdrop to our Assassins/Templar story that is the focus of all Assassin's Creed narratives."

And while some things may feel the same, this is a completely fresh experience for old fans, and new ones, alike. "We wanted to start from the beginning and make everything fresh," Turner says, "a new take on Assassin’s Creed. What that meant was that we started talking about organic environments, and when you start talking about colonial America you think about the frontier and that massive wilderness, which goes hand-in-hand with what we wanted to do in terms of pushing the assassin forward. We went a long way to make everything different.....[These] organic environments that are playable in 3D are as immersive as the cities of the previous games. That’s a huge difference. "

Another thing they worked with is the mystery of the character himself. Turner was adamant that this wasn't just about Connor meeting historical figures in American history, but how he sees the events unfolding around him, and how he reacts, in both a positive and negative way, to these people and historical times. "The process was long, and always changing. As we wrote a draft and had some missions and we were like this won’t work and then we change it, which is always happening in games," Turner says.

"But what we’ve come to now is really solid and the character of Connor is complemented really well by what surrounds him and the time that he’s alive. He bounces off these different events in his life that have different impacts on him. [We want] his character to become as important and likeable to players as Ezio, who was a pretty crazy character, and successful as far as they go: big shoes to fill. We’re very confident and hoping that Connor can fill them adequately."

And to give the game a sense of authenticity, Turner and crew spared no expense to recreate the events of before, during and after as historically accurate as possible. "It's harder on this game," Turner admits. "This time period is very well documented so you have to pay attention to it. It can be annoying at times because you're like, 'I just want this to happen!' But then at the same time it gives you an opportunity to recreate these situations in peoples' lives.....it's not challenging in terms of finding stuff, it's challenging in terms of sorting. The gap is much smaller now - we're talking 300 years - and the historical record is really accurate. So there's this ton of stuff on tons of people, and going through that and figuring out what is pertinent to us, what fits into our narrative and how to back it up with other things... there's just so much information on the conflict and that time."

"We've actually had two historians in full-time," Turner goes on, "two Mohawk consultants working on that as well, linguists and all sorts of people contributing to the validity and breadth of our knowledge of that period so we can make something as authentic as possible. I think what we've got now is really, really good. I'm not a history buff but when I jumped into this it just blew my mind... the amount of interesting things that were happening."

They say history is written by the victor. So what you may have heard about the American Revolution may surprise you just as much as it did Turner when he began to delve into the actual historical facts about certain events. One of which, Turner explains, may make you completely rethink the story you've been told about a certain famous midnight ride.

"There's a really big gap between the public perception of the American Revolution and the reality of what was really going on. It's really crazy, the stuff that people think they know compared to what was really going on," Turner says. "For example Paul Revere's Ride is a big famous thing, but one, he was one of twenty people that went on that ride, two, he didn't even make it all of the way there and three, they weren't yelling - they were going from house to house because it was a mix of loyalists and patriots. Because in those days everyone was British - there was no America yet. So what they were saying was 'the regulars are coming' and they were whispering it because they didn't want the loyalists next door to hear.

"That's how that actually unfolded and it's actually a more interesting story than what people have come to know. The reason people don't know now is because in the mid-19th century this guy was writing a song about the American Revolution to try and galvanize America with the threat of the Civil War, and Revere rhymed in the song. Now he's this legend, but it's not actually what happened."



The Predator in the Shadows
With a new protagonist come new concerns that Connor might not gel as well with the playerbase as already established protagonists in the series. How would one perceive a half indian/half english assassin that is still a relative unknown to fans? Would he play out to preconceived stereotypes that might alienate some due to his native american heritage? No, Creative Director Alex Hutchinson calmly says. In fact he's very confident that Connor will connect even better to the fans than even Enzio has.

"[Connor's] more reserved," Hutchinson says. "It’s hard to follow a character like Ezio, because he’s so iconic and over-the-top. So we deliberately wanted to go in the other direction and make someone more empathetic who tries to help people. If you think about it, Ezio is quite selfish. He’s hunting Borgias because they killed his dad. He doesn’t ever talk about how he’s helping humanity. He just wants to kill the guys who killed his dad. We wanted a character in this one who’s trying to right wrongs. We think he’s going to be someone who’s easier to get along with for a long period of time. But," Hutchinson admits, "it is a challenge making him pop as much as Ezio."

It is his strength AS a native american, Hutchinson hopes, that will make players appreciate his familiarity with the environment, his ability to adapt to any circumstance, and makes him somewhat more like a guerrilla fighter in control of both the situation and the scenarios he will be presented with. "We’re adding takedowns–that is to say, assassinations with no weapons are going to be chokeholds now," Hutchinson explains. "We want to get back to the idea that you can, if you want, [essentially do a non-lethal playthrough]. A certain player could only kill the targets. You could work your way through the game and not kill. It’s tricky to balance, but it would be amazing if [they] could pull it off."

And as far as stereotypes go, that was something that the team did not WANT. "The tribe that we were dealing with didn't scalp, so it was really wrong for us to force that on their culture," Turner was quick to point out. "So we decided to drop that for that reason as well as other ones. It didn't feel like an Assassin thing to do either... it didn't really fit with Connor's personality."

But the big question for some fans still remains unanswered; how will the current present day assassin apparent, Desmond Miles, fit into the overall storyline? "All I can say about Desmond's story," Turner hints, "is you're going to experience more Desmond than you've ever had before. We're spending more time on the present than we have in past games. It's a big part of our story and I don't really want to give too many details away because I want people to experience what that is. But rest assured, you're going to see a lot of Desmond. More so than in any past game."

Assassin's Creed III is set to sneak its way onto store shelves October 2012.

My Interview With A Fellow Mass Effect 3 Fan (And Current Film Industrialist) And How Space Bunnies Could Save Us All.
Being an active member of several forum and community sites around the net, I happened, almost by accident really, to bump into a post that was made on the BioWare Social Network (BSN for short) by a very articulate member who just so happens to be currently working in the film industry. With the current Mass Effect 3 fiasco still going strong (the RetakeME3 and Hold the Line movements have combined forces and are currently demonstrating across the multiplayer maps even as we speak), it's safe to say that fan reaction to the controversial ending(s) are still running hot.

After giving it a day of thought, I thought I'd contact this individual to see if I could get his professional opinion of the state of affairs going on in BioWare-land and if they could honestly win back any goodwill and reputational points with the fans who are currently still giving them hell about the less than stellar conclusion to the Mass Effect trilogy. Thankfully, he agreed, provided I keep his real name and actual job title a secret as he preferred to keep his personal and working life separate. So for this interview we'll be referring to to him by his username, Taboo.

With that out of the way, let's have some fun shall we?

Q: We've often seen how in just a day or two, that can mean all the difference between a movie being considered a blockbuster or a bomb. EA/BioWare seems to go out of their way to say "We've shipped 3.5 million games." Which I personally don't understand since it's been shown that they've only been able to SELL a little over 1 million units to the public. With that said, given the month that the game's been on the market, would you consider ME3 to be the video game equivalent to a movie "bombing"?

Taboo: I'd need to see financial statements to be sure. We'd need to compare the overall budget and cost of the game and then compare it to sales.

Where the game "bombs" is with it's fans. The game actively pursues a goal and then throws it away in what appears to be an attempt to be philosophical. This schizoid bull rush at the ends insults the audience......You're in big trouble when people who have been with your company for ten plus years plan on boycotting your products and resell your game.

Q: Given various pre-release statements up to a week before ME3 was released, do you believe that BioWare falsely advertised the game?

Taboo: It's a shady area. Given from what I've seen from pre-release statements there appears to be a discrepancy between actual content and what was said. I see two possibilities and believe that it is a mixture of the two.

In development certain things can be dropped at a moments notice because of time or lack of resources. These could be things that are considered important to the fans but too time-consuming for the developers. It does happen and is unfortunate.

The second option is where I believe the majority of the problem lies. I really believe that Mr. Walters wanted me to read into his writing more than I have. I believe he was the one that said that the Rachni had a big impact on the story? (Interview Note: Correct, he did indeed say that in various interviews, one link is presented below this article) It's entirely possible that he believes they have more impact than they really do. It sounds incredibly stupid I know but I wouldn't be surprised at all if this attempt at minimalism was an attempt to be deep. Perspicacity is not a strength of the story at this time.

Q: What would be the implications to a movie company/film crew that made claims or statements like that prior to the release of their film? For example; say James Cameron said Avatar was going to be 2 1/2 hour long, unedited, in full 3-D and with German and Korean subtitles. Yet when it hits the screen it's been trimmed to 1 hour, in standard HD and has no subtitles. What kind of "implications...unpleasant" sort of punishment would he be looking at?

Taboo: It doesn't matter. James Cameron is what we call an "auteur". He controls every bit of production including directing, producing and screenwriting. He calls all the shots and gets to put what he wants in his movie. Mr. Cameron however, has proven what I know about him to be a very intelligent man and would never intend to insult the audiences intelligence. Had he not delivered on his promise nothing much could be done as films are considered art by mainstream sources and art is subjective. The public however always decides what they want. If they don't want to watch his film Cameron should not expect a return investment.



Q: Do you believe video games can be considered art? Or rather, do you believe that ALL video games can be considered art?

Taboo: I believe that anything that has creative involvement is art in some capacity. A game has a director, producer, writers, actors and artists. All these come together to make a product, one that can be viewed by the public and interpreted by them.

Q: Based on some of your forum statements, I can assume that you don't feel that BioWare should be using "artistic integrity" as their go-to shield to deflect genuine concerns about an ending that fell completely flat. Would it be safe to assume that or do you feel differently?

Taboo: Artists have every right to not change their work. I believe that fully. I also however believe it is the right of the audience to ask questions about why things are the way they are. I have not seen a public acknowledgement of the criticisms on a satisfactory level and as such believe that Bioware has no right to claim the art defense if they cannot accept the eventual art criticism. What it appears like to me is a case of hubris, one that comes from the top brass and their refusal to change because of some sense of denial or shame. If you cannot accept criticism you have no right to call yourself an artist.



Q: You also believe that the ending robs the player/fan of the needed catharsis moment. Would you like to elaborate on that?

Taboo: The best kind of art creates both an emotional and intellectual response. This is a rare thing in mainstream media. Mass Effect to me, always both moved and fried my nerves in my brain. The ending however does not provide an sort of cohesion to it and in a series that was known for it's verisimilitude dropping the ball on basic previously established storytelling elements is a big no no. The narrative simply stops but not before it assumes the narrative context of a bad editing job. It's as if someone took the narrative strip that was Mass Effect and cut out large chunks and then reassembled it to make it look like something Luis Bunuel or David Lynch would have done. What you have instead is something of a joke.

The endings literally make no sense. When I watch a Lynch film I expect a certain amount of Lynchian weirdness and when I play a Mass Effect game I expect a level of narrative coherence. What we have here is a narrative that stops. Dead. Bioware has set up an incredibly poor Adam and Eve allegory and presented us with direct contradictions to canon lore. We have no idea what has happened to our respective Shepard. We have no idea what happens to the Normandy crew and all the other races. The last real kick in the pants in the Star Gazer scene which literally tells the audience to buy more things. There is no emotional release because there is nothing to form emotion with.

We have no idea what has happened. How can we form an opinion without any relevant information? Is Bioware surprised that the normal progression of human emotion went from confusion to rage when they receive no answers? It is apparently been decided that Bioware intended to make the audience speculate on what happened. They failed, miserably. They did not supply enough information to the audience and insulted their intelligence.

Q: Current popular thought tends to believe that the ending was all nothing more than a dream. That, right before entering the transport beam leading to the Citadel, Shepard is going through what many call "Indoctrination." Which in ME speak is like being mind controlled by aliens. And that the game, if you look at it carefully, shows various clues to support that theory. Proponents say BioWare intended this ending all along, while opponents think that, if BioWare HAD intended this theory to be true, they would have said so by now. This said, do you believe that the Indoctrination could or couldn't work?

Taboo: I'm a realist at heart and believe that in a narrative that was always grounded in realism I should take it as such. The current narrative is so bad people have literally gone into a state of denial at the beginning of the grieving process. Much like a conspiracy theorist they nitpick information that is relevant to what they want to see and present it as evidence. They have no evidence. Occam's Razor suggests the obvious. What is more likely? A large company like Bioware created a massive conspiracy to make fans question the narrative, only to release the real ending months later at the cost of money and sales or they quite simply made a massive miscalculation and the narrative really is that bad. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one and in our case I believe the answer is quite obvious. Bioware made an error and is paying for it.

On the other hand Bioware has been given a very interesting "get out of jail free card" so to speak. Should Bioware decide to go with a very detailed fan theory they could both retain artistic integrity and please a great majority of people. I do however believe that things such as hubris, time and money will prevent this from happening.

Could it happen? Yes. Will it happen? Not likely.

Q: BioWare, prior to PAX East, seemed to be rather open about the intentions and information with the community at large. Yet afterwards they seem to be oddly quiet about anything new. I can understand the leads not wanting to rile an already irate fanbase, but do you think that "bunkering down" and saying pretty much, well, nothing up to this point is also counterproductive to the fan/developer relationship?

Taboo: Because Bioware has no relevant information to share. They are still writing scripts, dialogue and storyboarding scenes. Bioware has just seemingly entered the first stages of production with the announcement of Miss (Tricia) Helfer returning to do voice work for EDI. They are still sitting around tables saying "How the hell do we fix this?". Bioware will not share any information until it is concrete because any information they release that later proves to be untrue will come back to bite them in the butt. People are watching everything that Miss (Jessica) Merizan, Mr. (Patrick) Weekes and Mr. (Mike) Gamble are saying.

One major mistake could land them in hot water again. This is why they have said they are no longer answering questions about the Extended Cut. My personal advice to them (however much that may mean) is to drop relevant information from time to time such as so and so is at the building doing voice work or yes, Shepard will survive and reunite with the crew and his LI. Why do this? Because the periodic release of legitimate information will soothe the fanbase continuously until the wounds heals over. If you keep treating a burn [with] Aloe Vera it will soothe the pain and the burn.

Q: Do you think EA has a hand in what they do/say to the public?

Taboo: Yes. Of course they do. I do not however know in any capacity. EA will provide the money to produce a product and as a result they could technically dictate what they want. The developers at Bioware will create content and then present it to EA and EA can make any changes to what they want if they see fit. I have no doubt in my mind however that what will probably see is a safety net throw, one that will try and capture as many people as possible and pull them in. EA wants to bring back as many people as possible and you attract more flies with honey so more gloom and doom shouldn't be expected.

Q: Hypothetical Question Time: Say BioWare finally comes out and says "O.K. Fans win. We'll be rewriting the ending." With the downside being that, to do this, the time and budgetary costs means that no other DLC content for Mass Effect 3 will be coming out. So beyond the Day 1 DLC, the few multiplayer add-ons and this "Rewritten Ending" DLC, that's all you'll be getting for ME3. As a fan, would you be happy with this or would would think they're sacrificing too much to "please the vocal minority" of fans out there?

Taboo: I don't think it would make much difference at this point to be honest. The damage is done. The fan's intelligence has already been insulted. One cannot cover a large cut with a small band-aid. They should however, at some point make an announcement concerning how many people have been upset.

Q: Do you think the extended cut content will make any difference when it hits sometime this summer?

Taboo: Yes. But in what capacity I don't know. People should be aware that Bioware has stated they are not changing the endings or retconning the Catalyst but Michael Gamble the producer has stated that they can rework them. This is of great interest to me because even simple rewrites can fix a story. They are in effect "changing" the endings without changing the endings.

The example I would like to call to people's attention to is Ridley Scott's Blade Runner. When first released the film had a terrible voice over from Harrison Ford and made little narrative sense. Ten or so years later Mr. Scott came and re-edited the film, removing the narration and added a very important dream sequence. The true power of the film was realized and is now considered one of his very best films and a classic science fiction film.

Extended Cuts almost always add to something and never take away so I cannot imagine the game getting any worse.

Q: Final question: If you had the power/ability to add in one thing that would make the ending to ME3 just a fraction of inch more coherent, what would you add?

Taboo: Believe it or not I would actually cut something out. I would remove the unbearable scene on the jungle planet. I would have much rather believed that Joker ended up running away and ended up somewhere in the Sol System rather than on an unknown planet with an implausible landing scenario. At some point your narrative no longer continues to cause people to speculate, it insults them. People will no longer listen to what you have to say if you do so. The narrative will not change if we still know that the Normandy crew is somewhere out in space but not stranded on the so called "Gilligan's Planet". As it stands right now I can't even think of the scene without laughing uproariously. It's so innocuous to the plot it only serves to insult the audience.

Me personally, I'd put in an option to shoot the catalyst child. After doing so, thousands of bunnies come bursting out of everywhere. Just....millions and millions of Space Bunnies. Everywhere. So many that some get sucked up into the Reaper's vents, like a flock of ducks getting sucked into a jet's engine compartment. And all these bunnies save mankind by choking and killing the reapers. Yay Space Bunnies!



For futher reading (mainly to the Walter's quote about the Rachni) please feel free to view the following: http://popwatch.ew.c...-3-mac-walters/

I'd like to once again thank Taboo for his professional opinion and for taking the time to sit down and talk with us.

Thanks Taboo!

Woohoo!

Thanks to all you guys The Wasteland Refuge now officially has 110,000+ unique views just three months shy of it's first birthday! So I can safely say that that Milestone has been reached.

I'd also been meaning to do this sooner, but unfortunately due to complications beyond my control, namely the fact that, due to the power surge, my old computer literally did this.....



.........and I wasn't able to get things straightened out for a few weeks. So that day unfortunately got put on hold.

But, thankfully my life is back (more or less) to normal, and I'm going full tilt on my blog the same as I ever was. I am also working with helping a good friend with her novel. Which I think she's putting in a blog. So we'll just call it a Blovel. Which will be available soon for your reading enjoyment. Anyway, for those of you wondering a little bit about how this blog is doing. Well, I decided to do a little study on it.

Counting the unique hits per day (24 hour period)
When I first started out, which is to be expected, TWR was lucky to see roughly 50 to 75 people every week and a half.

Since I'm guessing by word of mouth alone (mainly because I don't REALLY do a lot of advertising for this blog), on a good week I can average more or less about 350-600 views. A day. Yeah I know right? Peanuts for some sites, but for me, that's awesome. Incredible even.

Date of Birth for the blog: July 4th, 2011. It feels longer than that doesn't it? Not even a year old and I feel like things have really changed around here. Not just in BPC, but in the world itself. I'd never have imagined it, but prior to the blog, there was the Arab Spring. Democracy springing up in countries once thought forever in the grip of tyranny and dictatorial-ship. A wellspring of hope and determination and peace.

But at the same time, 2011 saw the power of mother nature at its most brutal. The Japanese earthquake/tsunami super punch that was just so, so heartbreaking to watch. But even then, even during this god awful dark chapter in Japanese society, you saw the best of their character. You saw the discipline and the determination of its peoples as they sacrificed themselves to protect and help their neighbors. There wasn't mass rioting. They didn't go from one neighborhood to the next looting and killing and doing all kinds of unspeakable acts. They gave of themselves for the greater good. And I think that every country in the world should see this as a prime example of how humanity should be with one another. Not just during a disaster. But every minute of every hour of every day.

May 2011 saw the death of Osama bin Laden. That's all that needs to be said of that bastard. Good riddance.

Not too long after that came the word that Muammar Gaddafi got his just desserts. Again, good riddance.

Of course, we also lost some good people before their time. Joe Fraizer, Bubbah Smith, Steve Jobs, Dick Clarke.

It just goes to show you that life has as many ups as it does downs. And they can come from, quite literally, out of nowhere and throw you for a loop. But the thing is, it's always important to get back up and keep doing what you do best.

And for me, it's this. My blog. I'm not the best writer out there. I'll admit that right now. But I like to think that I'm entertaining enough to come from literally nothing to where I am now. Mainly because my talent is just good enough to con--I mean ahem--entertain you guys on a regular basis. And hey, if you bring friends along for the ride because you think they'd get a kick out of me making fun of myself (and a few friends) along the way, I won't be above thanking you for amazing me just about every day that I log in and see just how well this "little bog that could" has been doing.

I'm always open to new ideas, opinions, suggestions. Anything that can help me help you. Because I quite literally do this for nothing (*stares* at Munki). Why? Because it's something I absolutely love to do. And judging by the steady growth just about every month that this place has been here, I can see that The Wasteland Refuge is something that you love to read.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. Each and every one of you out there reading this and  reads what I write on a regular basis. You ARE the reason I'm still here, doing what I do to the best of my abilities.

Here's to another year (or twelve) of doing this BECAUSE of you. Here's to another crazy year of ups and downs. Here's to another year of games, news, crazy stories, crazy people. And maybe, just maybe, the next time I write one of these little celebratory pieces, it won't be just because The Wasteland Refuge broke the 500,000 viewer mark.

It was because it reached 1,000,000.

Here's to another crazy, unexpected, and hopefully unprecedented year. For everyone.

Thank you all so very, very much.



Wastelander75/Marcus.

Sex and Violence
"Indeed, naught is more repulsive than these monsters that defy nature and are known by the name of witcher, as they are the offspring of foul sorcery and witchcraft. Unscrupulous scoundrels without conscious and virtue, they are veritable creatures from hell, capable only of taking lives........." ~ Monstrum - A Portrayal of Witchers, Anonymous

An ominous roll of thunder seems to shake away the darkness revealing misty wood. Rushing through this forest with torrential rains stinging his face, his body the testament to the life path he chose to tread, a wounded man runs. He fights to stay conscious, to stay alive. To stay ahead of the dangers at his back. But fight as he must, even a wolf, a white wolf, must lay down to reality. His eyes grow heavy, his muscles grow weak, his hold upon the waking world slipping.

Until he knows only the nothingness of oblivion.

Reality slowly peels away the shadows, until the waking world greets him. His hands and feet are bound by iron and stone. And for many, their tales would end here. But not for this man. Not for this creation of magic and witchcraft. Not for the White Wolf. Not for Geralt.

Not for a Witcher.

In fact, this tale has only just begun.......



Use Your Head Before You Lose It
So now we have the Witcher 2 for Xbox 360. You know, I half expected it to be heavily censored when it made the transition from PC to console boxes earlier this month. Thankfully someone at the ESRB finally realized that the 'M' rating for this game actually means "Mature" not "Modest." There's plenty of plenty to keep any hardcore RPG fan happy for at least 50 to 60 hours. Everything from a Hangover-esque side quest to obvious Fight Club inspired mini-games.

And how you want to tackle these events are entirely up to you.

Because once you get past the less-than-easy prologue events, the world literally opens up and becomes your oyster. Every quest you take is unique. Every side quest you tackle is engaging and white knuckle. And the fact that every choice in this game seems to have its own line of consequence, much like in real life, they're something that cannot be magically erased and/or forgotten about later on during gameplay. In fact your decisions can, and sometimes will, come back to haunt you.

All of this gives you this sense of progression. Of change. This feeling that you are quite literally shaping and defining the world around you. And in that doing so sometimes feels like an accomplishment worthy of a game's end boss triumph just makes it all the more sweet.

Because the "getting there" is by no means an easy feat. If you've ever played Demons Souls or Dark Souls, well.....The Witcher 2 is just a notch below that. Expect to see Geralt fall more than once, sometimes just a whisker's hair away from coming out the victor, to the inevitable "use your head and try again" approach to some enemy encounters.

Now for the naughty bits. Yes, The Witcher 2 does have rather graphic depictions of sex and nudity. CD Projekt Red left nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) to the imagination. If you have children, keep them away from this title. Otherwise you'll be having "the talk" about where babies come from.

Santa Claus. Just in case you're wondering.

Yet oddly, I didn't consider these scenes to be overly gratuitous or shockingly explicit. Frank yes, explicit.....to a point. But nothing that would lead me to march down to my local Gamestop demanding that the video game public boycott said business for selling interactive smut. Trust me, I'm all protested out anyway what with the RetakeME3 fiasco still going strong.

My only personal gripe is that, so far, there's really not much in the way of collection mechanics. Sure you might come across some visual bit of armor piece, but as far as weapon collection goes, it's rather stingy and downright miserly. If you're hoping that every bad guy has a new dagger, a new sword, a new piece of armor you can doll up on your Geralt, well, expect to be disappointed. New arms and armors come in a very short supply line.



That Voodoo You Do So Well
Graphics: CD Projekt did a good job with their RED Engine, even though there are the occasional texture pop-in moments rather reminiscent of the texture problems in the (and I hate to keep bringing the series up but...) much like what players experienced in the first Mass Effect title. Towns and environments look exceptionally well done, very organic, and vary from one another in small or significant ways. Various venues can range from decrepit and bleak looking townships that look like the buildings are being held up only by magic and prayer, to the solid and weather worn spires of stone that, though battered by time and war, could last well into the next century.

Audio/Music: Exceptional. The music is a blend of high fantasy, heavy drums, light wind chimes, the thrum of some stringed instrument. Even the occasional use of bagpipes and lutes. The "Howl of the White Wolf" is nearly on par with Skyrim's "Dovahkiin" battle song. And currently my second favorite bit of musical prose behind the aforementioned Elder Scrolls melody.

Controls: Takes some getting used to, due to the fact that the layout of the various functions on the 360 pad takes a bit to memorize and remember (especially when you're trying to do something in the heat of battle), but  once you do it becomes a manageable exercise.

Difficulty: This has to be noted since, unlike some RPG's you might have played in the past, this game starts off strong and only gets stronger as you progress. Again, if you've ever played Demons or Dark Souls, you'll get the gist of what I'm trying to impart here. The Witcher 2 is unforgiving, unrelenting, and unapologetic for those of you who think that your character is this god-like being right out of the gate who can wade into a throng of bad guys and expect to walk away from the encounter unscathed. Every encounter, EVERY one, requires you to take stock of your surroundings, yourself and, more importantly, your enemies.

I can almost guarantee you that, if you DO decide to just blindly run into the fray without thought or planning, 10 times out of 10 you're going to end up face down in the dirt with your blood spilling out as the Game Over screen slowly comes up to mock you. Use your Head. Or you'll soon find yourself without one.

Score: 4.5 out of 5.

Despite some graphical marring here and there, and despite the brutal difficulty spike even against opponents that you might think you'd have no problem with, the game is still enjoyable. Yes, it can be somewhat text heavy in places, but it is a mature and grown-up RPG. One that gives me as much joy as it does frustration. And I hope that this is a game that sets a standard for future Mature rated role playing games to come.

Bravo CD Projekt. Bravo.

Yep, Still Illegal in all Fifty States......
Honestly, when I first heard rumors of this game, I was a little hesitant. Coming at us from the fine folks over at Grasshopper Manufacture, the developer that brought you cult classic titles like Killer7, No More Heroes, and last year's highly under-appreciated Shadows of the Damned, I wouldn't have given this rather cheeky looking title a second look except for one thing: Zombies. Yes, zombies. They're like chocolate to a game's peanut butter.

And despite the reservations of playing a overly cheerful (even during a zombie apocalypse/outbreak), possibly illegal protagonist, the final hook that made me finally cave in and do a little digging is the fact that Tara Strong (the voice of Rikku from Final Fantasy X) will be lending her rather unique personality to Juliet Starling; the zombie slaying, chainsaw wielding cheer leading main character.

While I didn't find out too much about the story (ie. how zombies are somehow attacking a high school), I did find out that attacks basically switch between a sort of rhythmic light and heavy attack pattern. Juliet's light attacks consist of quick acrobatic kicks and punches with the intent of herding enemy zombies together. Her heavy attacks, primarily punctuated by the use of her chainsaw, finishes them off en mass. Doing this successfully eventually contributes to filling up Juliet's "Star Meter," which is just a fancy term for "extremely gratuitous super attack."

Which actually sounds kind of fun now that I thi...right moving on. Moving on.

"I think the biggest thing is that I wanted to make a game that was funny and which had a 'pop' type of feel to it instead of trying to be scary," explains Lollipop Chainsaw's Producer, Goichi Suda, who prefers to use the moniker of "Suda51." "I really wanted to make Lollipop Chainsaw a zombie game that any type of player could play and enjoy," he says.



We're Not Going to Have Zombies Dancing to "Thriller" Are We?
Another point in its favor is its rather unique use of...well...I really can't explain it in a word. Let's just say that, for reasons currently unknown, Juliet's boyfriend Nick, who is somehow a disembodied head hanging from her skirt, can be used in various battles with....unique outcomes. Various uses of Nick have been so far revealed to include being kicked at enemies by Juliet or being put directly on the body of a decapitated zombie, which gives Nick temporary control.

Early demo and hands-on reports are quick to compare this title to one of Grasshopper's earlier cult classic, No More Heroes. Suda51 did acknowledge the two games might, at first glance, appear and feel the same, but he was quick to point out the differences between the two. "[Sure], it might appear similar, but [the games] are different. Lollipop Chainsaw is the new sword action game, and it's the style that I believe Grasshopper Manufacture is best at. In No More Heroes, Travis is a guy, so his sword action is more masculine, but Juliet is a cheerleader. Her movements are flexible and very athletic. When combined with her chainsaw, Juliet's attacks are both hyper and powerful."

Another acknowledgment was Suda51's apparent admiration for the person who brought zombies to the forefront of entertainment. The one and only George A. Romero. "Many of my staff members love Mr. Romero," he gushes. "Some are so crazy about him that they really should be called his sons," he jokes.

Still yet another element crucial to the game will be the use of various musical genres to define the feel and look of some of the zombies that you'll be slicing and dicing around St. Romero high school. "Music plays a very important role," Suda51 explains. "For this game, most of the characters are based upon the different music types or music genre. You know, we’ve got B-funk....rock-and-roll [and so on]....but there are different styles of music that are reflected in each character." So don't be surprised to find yourself in a zombie fight with an afro-toting boss while bobbing your head to the tune of Wild Cherry's "Play that Funky Music."

And Just When You Thought It Was Safe.....
Seriously, as if this game's unlikely story wasn't quirky enough, the game's already amassed its fair share of the surreal. During a March 7, 2012 Warner Bros. press party for the game, a homeless man somehow managed to slip in and get an interview with Suda51 himself. According to unnamed sources, the homeless man managed to slip into the event with a group of journalists.

"Suda was conducting interviews with press for most of the night," said the unnamed source. "Later on in the evening a journalist from Edge arrived for what he thought was an exclusive one-on-one interview, but a second man checked in with him. There were plenty of drinks flowing at the event so nobody took much notice that this second 'journalist' was heavily soaked in beer. Warner thought the guy was with Suda's people and the journalist seemed to assume he was with Warner."

"He managed about 10 minutes seated with Suda, mostly stroking his chin and nodding his head," the source added. "Eventually it became quite clear he wasn't a journalist - he was in fact some homeless guy that managed to [get] himself all the way to the interview. PR staff quietly ushered him away and Suda seemed pretty speechless about it."

It almost comes across like an April Fool's Prank doesn't it? But hey, at least they're not trying to promote Lollipop Chainsaw with gratuitous and overly suggestive costume DL-




-CERIOUSLY?! Really guys? We're going to go this route?! REALLY?!?! She's still in HIGH SCHOOL for crying out lou.....alright alright alright. Calm. Calm down. Count to ten and try it again.

O.K.

I'm O.K.

I'm fine. I'll be fine. I mean....as long as they don't go overboard and, like, start churning out images of the poor girl dressed in skimpy "swimwear" that consists of sea shells and dental butt flo--



--oh. my. god.

HahHah...hah....eh...

....I suddenly feel mentally dirty now.

O.K. I'm an adult. I can handle this.

Really, I can.

Seriously though for every step forward in the march for equality between male and female gamers, there always seems to be that one thing that makes them have to take two steps back.

But I can deal with this. I can manage this. As long as there's no suggestive butt sh...



....iiiiiiit. That's it, I'm done. I am SO done. I suddenly have a headache.

Fox/Faux News is going to have a field day with this game.....

Good luck guys. You're going to need it.

Lollipop Chainsaw is set to lurch onto store shelves June 12, 2012.

And for god's sake, put some clothes on that poor girl.

Right. So some of you might be wondering where the hell I've been. Well gather round kids and I'll tell you.

March 30, at around 12:30 that night. I was getting ready to call it a night and save some work I'd been doing when I saw a bright flash of light out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and saw down the road the transformer spewing sparks. And when I say that I mean it was spewing sparks like a fourth of July sparkler.

Half a second after that I hear a very loud buzzing noise all around me followed by every light currently on flaring up and popping. And when I say popping I mean exploding. Glass is going everywhere, I hear more popping all around me, only this time it's coming from things plugged into the walls.

The lights go out and I'm sitting there wondering what the flying blue f*ck just happened. That's when I smell it. That acrid nasty burnt plastic smell. So I get up from my chair, fumble around the nearby desk to grab the emergency flashlight, and flip it on, seeing this fine curtain of smoke all around me. I'm starting to panic so I run down into the kitchen (smoke's down there too), I grab the mini extinguisher thinking "yeah this little f*cking thing...if there is a fire all this thing's gonna do is piss it off."

Anyway, I run down into the basement and slap the main switch to the power box off, run back upstairs and start noticing that the "smog" is stopping, crack open a few windows, open the doors (by the way by then my neighbors are out with flashlights wondering what the f*ck's going on).

Anyway long story short after learning that the transformer went haywire and sent a power spike down the main line before short circuiting, every major electronic device that I own is now DOA. The only way that I'm talking to you right now is because I'm at my sister's and she is letting me use her computer for the time being.

I went one week without power before breaking down and slumming back with my parents. Who do not own a computer I might add. :'(

I've also had to wait for the power company to completely rewire the house, change out the burned out power meter box, and fix their transformer. By the way the power spike went almost two miles before being shunted off by the next transformer.

Anyway those rinkydinky little surge protectors I own didn't do sh*t. That spike tore through them and melted more than a few. Which in turn meant that every device plugged into them had a few thousand volts of electricity coursing through them.

Here's the list of ......casualties that I know of.

1 very reliable but very old digital alarm clock.
33 inch sony flatscreen
4 surge protected plug in boxes. Melted.
microwave
directv cable box
4 month old retro style stereo system with quad surround sound speakers that I got for christmas
3 year old gateway computer
Xbox 360 with a copy of The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim melted/fused to the tray. Yes......Fused. To. The. Tray.
1 cellphone....because guess what was plugged in recharging at the time?
HP deskjet printer
various lamps...two of which I've had since I was still a service man
and last but not least
a sh*tload of light bulbs


Wait. This is where the story gets really screwy.

About a week ago I finally take the list to my insurance agency hoping, with what little deductible I had to pay I'd be able to replace all these things no problem. Which I've had for quite a while with the agency and the last time it was a mere 350 dollars.

However

This last pay period it had jumped (much to my bewilderment since, no, I didn't check) from 350 to....wait for it.....

Waaaaait for iiiiit....

2 thousand. mother f*cking. dollars.

That's right. In one year. In one mother f*cking year it had jumped from 350 bucks to

two thousand f*cking dollars.

To say that I was livid was an understatement. They had jumped my deductible, without notifying me beforehand, that I had to now pay two thousand dollars. And they had the balls to tell me that this had been in effect since 2008.

Well, the funny thing is...I don't throw away old statements. I have billing statements dating back to 2000. So I looked through those and up until 2010-2011, deductible: 350.

Deductible for 2011-2012: 2,000.

So I got with a fellow from BBB, and I'm currently talking to this....agency's corporate offices. And I want them to explain to me, and this man from the Better Business Bureau why the hell my deductible jumped over 200% in one year.

We have a meeting scheduled for Thursday.

Should be fun. I'm planning on baking a cake.

Anyway. So. Yeah. I've been off the grid for almost a month, spent a week without power in my own home. The works.

I've imagined that since I've been gone, things have been oddly quiet without my massive ego getting in the way. I had a thought a few days ago that sort of lifted my spirits. It's a coping mechanism so work with me here.


Some of the thoughts that have wormed my way through my mind since then:

Bofus: without my picking on him, he's managed to grow a lion's mane of hair and is the love of every woman that he meets.

MartB64: quit drinking cold turkey

Munki: struck it rich after he dug up oil in his back yard

Stashnet: Found god and now listens to good christian music

Dimali: quit cursing and instead says stuff like "well gosh gee willikers to heck.....pardon my profane blue language ladies and gentlemen."

Aven: ....nah you're good, stay gold bro.

Anyway all joking aside, yeah I'm down. God am I down. But I'm not out. Not yet anyway. If push comes to shove and I've got to give away everything that I currently own to get back to full power, then that's a small price to pay. I missed you guys and I missed my blog. More importantly, and this goes out to SMB25, I'll be resuming my responsibilities to people who have asked for my help.

And really, SMB from the bottom of my heart, I am so profoundly sorry for leaving you hanging like this. But hopefully, god willing, I can go back to helping you as soon as humanly possible. I just need a few more days and I'll do what I can for you.

Until then guys, hang in there and I'll hopefully be back with you all.

Wish me luck.